Archives for category: douchebags

>Socioclean claims to help you protect your online reputation by scanning your profile (status updates, wall posts, groups and photo captions and comments) and alert you to all the naughtiness you’ve accumulated over the years.

I expected to do relatively badly but this is ridiculous!! CODE RED, PEOPLE!!!

And what are the areas I need to work on?? Sex, drugs, alcohol, profanity and RACISM?? WTF? WTFFFF? I’ve been called a messy, sweary whore too many times for it to have any impact (and that’s just by my mum), but I’m pretty sure I’ve never been called a racist. So I went to investigate.

These are the terms that Sociotwat classed as RACIAL:
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This Onion article reminded me of my intense hatred for people who don’t have televisions. In my book they’re on par with people who use the phrase “close personal friend,” women who breastfeed their children until mid-primary school, paedophiles and folks who claim to value ‘authenticity.’

Enjoy:
CHAPEL HILL, NC–Area resident Jonathan Green does not own a television, a fact he repeatedly points out to friends, family, and coworkers–as well as to his mailman, neighborhood convenience-store clerks, and the man who cleans the hallways in his apartment building. 
“I, personally, would rather spend my time doing something useful than watch television,” Green told a random woman Monday at the Suds ‘N’ Duds Laundromat, noticing the establishment’s wall-mounted TV. “I don’t even own one.”

According to Melinda Elkins, a coworker of Green’s at The Frame Job, a Chapel Hill picture-frame shop, Green steers the conversation toward television whenever possible, just so he can mention not owning one.

  

“A few days ago, [store manager] Annette [Haig] was saying her new contacts were bothering her,” Elkins said. “The second she said that, I knew Jonathan would pounce. He was like, ‘I didn’t know you had contacts, Annette. Are your eyes bad? That a shame. I’m really lucky to have almost perfect vision. I’m guessing it’s because I don’t watch TV. In fact, I don’t even own one.”
According to Elkins, “idiot box” is Green’s favorite derogatory term for television.
“He uses that one a lot,” she said. “But he’s got other ones, too, like ‘boob tube’ and ‘electronic babysitter.'”
Elkins said Green always makes sure to read the copies of Entertainment Weekly and People lying around the shop’s break room, “just so he can point out all the stars and shows he’s never heard of.”
“Last week, in one of the magazines, there was a picture of Calista Flockhart,” Elkins said, “and Jonathan announced, ‘I have absolutely no idea who this woman is. Calista who? Am I supposed to have heard of her? I’m sorry, but I haven’t.'” 


Tony Gerela, who lives in the apartment directly below Green’s and occasionally chats with the 37-year-old by the mailboxes, is well aware of his neighbor’s disdain for television.
“About a week after I met him, we were talking, and I made some kind of Simpsons reference,” Gerela said. “He asked me what I was talking about, and when I told him it was from a TV show, he just went off, saying how the last show he watched was some episode of Cheers, and even then, he could only watch for about two minutes before having to shut it off because it insulted his intelligence so terribly.”
Added Gerela: “Once, I made the mistake of saying I saw something on the news, and he started in with, ‘Saw the news? I don’t know about you, but I read the news.”
Green has lived without television since 1989, when his then-girlfriend moved out and took her set with her.
“When Claudia went, the TV went with her,” Green said. “But instead of just going out and buying another one–which I certainly could have afforded, that wasn’t the issue–I decided to stand up to the glass teat.”
“I’m not an elitist,” Green said. “It’s just that I’d much rather sculpt or write in my journal or read Proust than sit there passively staring at some phosphorescent screen.”
“If I need a fix of passive audio-visual stimulation, I’ll go to catch a Bergman or Truffaut film down at the university,” Green said. “I certainly wouldn’t waste my time watching the so-called Learning Channel or, God forbid, any of the mind sewage the major networks pump out.”
Continued Green: “People don’t realize just how much time their TV-watching habit–or, shall I say, addiction–eats up. Four hours of television a day, over the course of a month, adds up to 120 hours. That’s five entire days! Why not spend that time living your own life, instead of watching fictional people live theirs? I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am not to own a television.

>And I know them all…


Altoids “Curiously Strong Awards” from Marc Ritzema on Vimeo.

Swiss Miss

>Ha! HA HA HA! Brian Cox, your uppance has come.

This poncey Mancunian physicist has long given me the irrits with his floppy hair, rock band past and regular BBC appearances every time CERN makes a proton or whatevs.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I don’t believe in black holes. There. I said it.

Dare

Daily Llama

>From The State Column:

Arizona U.S. Senator Jon Kyl was the unfortunate topic of both The Daily Show and The Colbert Report Monday, with both hosts skewering the Arizona Republican over recent remarks made concerning Planned Parenthood.

“If you want an abortion you go to Planned Parent, which is well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does.” Mr. Kyl said during a Senate floor speech.

Following the remark, a number of news networks questioned the statement resulting in a response from Mr. Kyl’s office. 

“His remark was not intended to be a factual statement, rather to illustrate that Planned Parenthood, an organization that receives millions in taxpayer dollars, does subsidize abortions,” Mr. Kyl’s office said in a statement, to which Mr. Colbert and Mr. Stewart teed off.

“That’s unbelievable. As in it’s not true,” Mr. Colbert said. Mr. Colbert went on to offer a number of statements that were not intended to be factual.

“I would love to see that statistic checked…by anyone,” Mr. Stewart chided. “I get those numbers mixed up. Is it three percent, or is it ninety percent?”

Colbert’s (@StephenAtHome) tweets:

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Hu$tler

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